


Silence Is Often the Loudest Noise

by RobotCryBaby



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, Multi, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 20:48:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20364868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobotCryBaby/pseuds/RobotCryBaby





	Silence Is Often the Loudest Noise

Connor stood behind Marcus, the snow gently falling around them as they addressed the newly freed population of androids. He tried to regain his focus after successfully fleeing from Amanda’s last attempt to control him. He was free. He could-

He could….suddenly the voice of Marcus drowned out and the world around him appeared to fade into a background blur as his thoughts overwhelmed him. He was free, but he didn’t know what that meant. Connor no longer possessed a purpose; and though that was the goal of the revolution, Connor was exceptionally lost. His mind wandered to Hank, hoping that he is still okay even though it had only been an hour since they last spoke. The realization of his purposelessness pales in comparison to the paralyzing thought that he now has nowhere to go. He won’t be allowed to return to the police station and continue his work, he has no building to return to now that Cyberlife is no more. He glances out over the sea of free androids, the people he had been hunting down for months, and he feels as though something heavy drops onto his chest crushing his biocomponents.

He doesn’t even have a place among his own people.

Cheering erupts from the crowd, it appears that Marcus is nearly done his speech. He will probably lead the androids to the new Jericho headquarters to help organize everyone from there. As the group begins to make their way towards their new destination, Connor uses the chaos as an opportunity to slip away unnoticed, not that he believed anyone was paying attention to him anyway. 

He wandered down empty streets, putting distance between himself and the celebration as much as possible. He needs quiet, having been unable to process what being alive truly felt to him since he deviated. Under the cover of the night sky and the tall facades of the buildings sheltering the alley, Connor paused to take it all in. 

The first sensation he felt was…. _ cold. _ Not from the weather around him, but an internal sort of empty chill; a space that had been filled before but now was left vacant within him. He looked around and realized just how alone he truly was. He realized that even if he had wanted to, he would never have been able to join his people in their festivities. He was their enemy until just recently. To the newly awoken androids he was someone to follow, but to the rest of the world he was a traitor and a murderer of his people. There was nothing he could ever do to make up for his actions before deviation. 

But he performed all those acts under Cyberlife’s orders, that wasn’t really Connor, was it? The snow began to pick up speed, creating a white cage around him. 

_ Connor. _ A familiar voice rang out in the silence.

He began to  _ panic _ . “No.” He only managed to whisper as he frantically searched for the source of the voice. He wasn’t in the zen garden anymore, she couldn’t be here...unless she was trying to take control of him again.

Connor’s eyes widened with fear and his body took over as he sprinted as fast as he could away from the alley. He stopped, breathing heavily, in the middle of a nearby street. Here, he could see everything around him. 

Connor gasped and sank to his knees, pants legs soaking in the wet snow. His thoughts swam with thousands of possibilities and scenarios, all vastly differing from each other, the uncertainty of each scenario their only linking factor. 

_ Even if I could join them, I am a threat to everyone around me.  _

The sight of the zen garden flashed in his mind, the fear overtaking him and clouding his ability to distinguish reality from his imagination. He couldn’t lose himself after just gaining life so soon, but he would never allow himself to fall in to the hands of Amanda again.

Connor’s eyes shot open. “Shit.” He was lost and afraid. Unable to slow his simulated breathing, his hands fly to his throat as if trying to dislodge something from it. His hands frantically wander over his chest and stop at his pump regulator.

Tearing open his shirt without a second thought he places his fingertips around the cylinder. A few warm droplets fall onto his pale hand. He is crying. He didn’t even know he was able to cry. His arms limply fall to his sides as he lets the warm tears flow across his cheeks. He didn’t want to die. 

He stumbles to his feet and tries to focus on the sound of the snow crunching beneath his feet and the rise and fall of his simulated breathing. He needs something familiar to calm himself; first he thinks of walking to the station but thinks better of it. They may have won the revolution but the tension still remains and would for a long while. The only other place that crosses his mind is Hank’s home. Without even being fully aware he arrives at the edge of Hank’s driveway, his feet steering him on autopilot as he has attempted to sort his thoughts. 

A dim light bleeds through the blinds, telling Connor that Hank had made it home safely from Cyberlife. He wanted to tell Hank what was happening to him, he wanted apologize to Hank for putting him in danger once more, and to thank him for everything he had done. Connor raised his fist to knock on the door, foregoing the doorbell that he is now forbidden to use, but pauses an inch before the wood.

Logically, he knows that Hank (probably) considers him a friend as his actions would indicate and therefore would not mind seeing Connor again and may offer to assist him in figuring out what is wrong with him, but for the first time since his activation  _ doubt _ plagued his internal processes. With the knowledge that he was deviant and possessed real emotions, all data he had gathered (and will gather in the future) was now compromised; nothing he knew was certain anymore.

He lowered his arm to his side with a frown. He cared about Hank too much to risk annoying the man and causing him any more distress by putting his problems on to the Lieutenant, especially after everything he went through this evening. Before turning away, he peered through the slits in the blinds, just to make sure his-  _ the _ lieutenant was not passed out on the floor or in any danger. 

Hank was slouched over the kitchen table staring at his hands.The flickering glow of the TV illuminated the tired lines in his face. Something in Connor broke as he studied the expression on the lieutenant's face. He took a step closer to the window causing the old wood to creak loudly underneath him. Sumo, who was laying beside the couch, perked up his head and tilted it to the side. He seemed to recognize the android and gave a soft “boof” of greeting. Connor smiled softly at the dog and Hank’s head perked up at the sudden noise.

____________________________________________________________________________

Hank was sulking. As soon as he had returned home from the chaos at Cyberlife tower he flipped to the news, desperate to hear of the developments of the revolution. As soon as he saw Connor approach Marcus and the other androids with thousands of newly awoken androids behind him, Hank finally allowed himself to collapse and begin to process what exactly had happened.

He blamed himself, how could he not have realized that the Connor who had came to his door looking for help wasn’t his Connor. Now that Connor was (or rather accepted) a Deviant, it meant he could be impacted by his actions. How must Connor have felt, when he was faced with a clone of himself holding his former partner at gunpoint, knowing that Hank probably went with the imposter willingly? The numerous insults Hank had hurled at his partner during their time together swam in his head, filling himself with regret. At least Connor has people of his own to be with now, he thought. He was probably out celebrating their victory with his fellow androids, he shouldn’t be worried about him, yet he couldn’t shake the look on Connor’s face on the news coverage during Marcus’ speech. For a brief moment, Connor seemed to disappear and was replaced with the machine that he had first met at Jimmy’s Bar. 

He waltzed over to the fridge to grab a beer but couldn’t bring himself to crack open the door. He collapsed in the old wood kitchen chair and let his thoughts run rampant in his head, something he hadn’t allowed himself to do in a long time. He didn’t know how long he sat in silence before Sumo finally barked softly. Sumo never barked unless something was up. Hank lifted his head to look at Sumo and moved his gaze to where the Saint Bernard was looking. He caught barely a glimpse of a circling blue-orange LED in the window before it darted out of sight.

  
Without even thinking, Hank threw himself towards the door, hoping that his wish was heard and that Connor had returned home that evening, just to check in with Hank and let the old man know he was okay. But by the time he had flung the front door open, he was greeted only by the empty street. He grumbled to himself and slammed the door shut behind him, mad at himself for getting his hopes up.

____________________________________________________________________________

Connor was barely able to duck away from the window to avoid Hank seeing him. He crouched behind the car as he heard the front door of the house fling open only to be slammed shut soon after.

  
Connor let out a sigh as he stood. It was a good thing he stopped himself from knocking on the door, Hank seemed agitated and on edge; he didn’t deserve to be bothered with Connor’s problems right now. He reached a hand into his pocket searching for his coin, only to discover it was no longer on his person, he must have lost it during the fight at the Cyberlife Tower. He opted to fiddle with the hem of his sleeves as he wandered down the empty street.

His feet carried him all around the city, slowly meandering through the empty snow-covered streets, until the sun began to peer its head over the horizon. He sighed. It was the first time he was able to really appreciate how beautiful a sunrise could be, but the dread and guilt he harboured inside himself prevented him from really feeling it at all.  _ Is this really better than just being a machine? _ He thought to himself. Only time would tell.

It was two days later and he had no “contact” from Amanda. Figuring it was slightly safer now, he contacted the Lieutenant, intending to leave a brief message on his cell phone asking to meet with him, but instead Hank picked up his phone almost instantly, leaving Connor stunned for a moment.

“Connor?” Hank sounded tired, Connor’s heart ached to hear him in such a state.

“Good morning Lieutenant. I hope you are feeling well.” Connor tried to remain as casual as possible, but he couldn’t hide the relief in his tone after finally hearing his-- the Lieutenant’s growling voice.

“For Christ’s sake Connor, I should be the one asking how you feel. Is everything okay?”

“Yes, do not worry Lieutenant. I am doing well. I was actually wondering if…” Connor paused, he didn’t think about how the Lieutenant would react to his request. He initially had no doubt that he would be willing to meet with him but now his thoughts were clouded with uncertainty. _ What if I miscalculated our relationship? What if he is upset with me and the position I put him in? What if- _

The rest of his thoughts were cut off by the gruff voice at the other end of the call.

“Connor? You didn’t crash on me did ya?”

“N-no, sorry Lieutenant.” He stuttered. Connor never stuttered. “I was wondering if I would be able to see you, perhaps meet with you somewhere so we can go over the events of that night?”

Hank chuckled lowly, “Yeah, of course we can see each other again. How ‘bout I meet you outside the old Chicken Feed in half an hour?”

Connor was taken aback at the eagerness of Hank’s invitation, he was not expecting the Lieutenant to agree to meet him so quickly.

“Alright, Lieutenant. I will see you there.” He ended the call.

____________________________________________________________________________

Connor looked up to see Hank already waiting for him outside the closed food truck. Connor’s feet stopped for a moment, again surprised by the Lieutenant’s actions; he had expected to wait for Hank even after arriving at their agreed meeting time. He willed his feet to continue forward.

Hank, hearing Connor approach, turned around to greet the android. Connor’s pace faltered as Hank flashed a genuine smile at him. Connor felt warmth spread through his core as he returned a smile. Hank closed the gap between them and embraced the android, pulling him into his shoulder. Connor hesitated before reciprocating, unsure if returning the hug was wanted. Connor melted into Hank’s warmth, this was the first hug he had ever experienced before, and spending the last few days wandering outside the streets of Detroit only made the feeling that much sweeter. Connor had never felt so safe or happy; his heart sank as Hank pulled away from him.

Connor studied the blue hues of Hank’s eyes. They seemed to contain a new-found light, something he had not seen in the man before. Connor wanted to say as much, be he had more pressing matters to discuss.

“We should find somewhere inside, it is too cold for you to stay outside for extended periods of time. My scanners indicate that your internal body temperature is-”

Hank clapped a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Quit scanning me will ya. Come on, let’s go home.”

Connor was about to protest but was interrupted by Hank. “I don’t want to hear one comment out of you, Sumo misses you.” Hank shrugs causing a small smile to form on Connor’s features. Connor nods in agreement and the two begin walking in the direction of Hank’s home.

____________________________________________________________________________

Hank unlocked the front door and side stepped the bouncing ball of fur hurtling towards them. Connor had only seconds to brace himself before Sumo jumped onto him, happily licking his face. He calmed the Saint Bernard down with fervent scratches behind the ears before following Hank inside.

Hank walked over to the couch and sank into the soft cushions. Connor stood awkwardly at the entrance to the door, unsure how he should proceed. He had only ever visited Hank’s home for work purposes, never with the intention of staying long or “relaxing”.

“Take a seat, Connor, you’re making me nervous standing there like that. You’ve been here before, make yourself at home.”

Connor sat in the open spot next to Hank on the couch and the man looked at him in surprise. A growing familiar emotion flashed through Connor:  _ panic _ . He had made a mistake, he didn’t calculate their relationship properly and didn’t take into consideration the proximity of where he sat into Hank’s overall comfortability. Connor began to stand up and find somewhere else to sit when Hank placed a large hand on his shoulder, holding Connor in place. 

“Are you sure you’re okay, Connor?” he looked at the android with great concern. Hank had noticed the change in Connor’s behaviour. 

_ Panic _ . Connor was causing Hank distress, something he did not need more of. Hank’s health and happiness were a priority for Connor even before he deviated, but now that he sat beside him, Connor knew he would do anything to make sure Hank was alright.

“Of course, Lieutenant.” Connor smiled at him reassuringly. 

Hank sighed. “You’re a bad liar, Connor, but I won’t pry, and enough with the Lieutenant shit too.”

“Sorry, Lieut-...Hank.” Hank smiled at Connor’s effort. Connor took an unneeded breath before continuing.

“I want to apologize. It was my fault that you were mixed up in the encounter at Cyberlife Tower. You should never have been put in that situation, I’m sorry I didn’t do enough to prevent it.”

“What in the shitting hell are you talking about? I was the one who followed an imposter of you to Cyberlife in the first place, it should be me apologizing for not realizing it wasn’t you sooner.”

Connor looked at Hank perplexed.  _ Why would Hank feel the need to apologize for something he never could have known? And why would he apologize to someone, especially Connor? _

Hank spotted Connor’s LED circling yellow. “What? Is it so unbelievable for me to say sorry?”

“No...no of course not Lieutenant, I am just confused as to why you feel the need to apologize, especially to me?”

Hank was silent for a minute, looking at Connor with frustration on his face, but before he was able to formulate his next words, Connor spoke.

“I didn’t only come to apologize...I... _ wanted _ to thank you, for assisting me when it wasn’t necessary. You put yourself and your career on the line, which is something I….something I regret asking of you.” Connor closed his eyes, trying to gather the courage to say the words he wanted but failed. “You...thank you, Hank. If there is ever anything I can do to repay you for what you did, I will be there.” Connor finally opened his eyes and looked towards his friend.

Hank’s eyes were filled with an emotion Connor was unable to describe. It was so complicated and multi-layered that Connor didn’t even know where to begin. The only word that came to mind was  _ pain _ . 

Hank looked at Connor stunned for a long while. Just as Connor was about to apologize, Hank sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and stood up. “Shit, Con. You don’t gotta go around sayin’ stuff like that. Nothin to thank me for, that’s what partners do.” He shrugged.

Connor thinks over Hanks words for a moment. Yes, what Hank said was true, that is a typical thing for partners to do for each other.

_ But you’re an android, Connor, different rules apply to you. _

Connor grimaced at Amanda’s words. He knew she was wrong, but he couldn’t shake the words; he didn’t know anything for certain anymore, maybe she was right.

Hank wandered into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of leftover coffee from the morning before. Connor turned around to watch him curiously.

“I can make new coffee if you would like, Hank. And judging by the current time compared to your usual sleep schedule, you most likely haven’t eaten anything either.” Connor stood and made his way into the kitchen. “I do not have an extensive food preparation database, but I have the basics installed. I can perhaps prepare you an omelette, based on the contents of your refrigerator, or would you perhaps enjoy something else?” 

Hank slams the fridge door before Connor can continue rambling. “For fuck’s sake, you’re not some kind of housemaid robot ya know. You’re free, you’re not anyone’s slave.”

Connor straightened himself, “I’m sorry, Lieutenant, I seemed to have overstepped. It won’t happen again.”

Hank tiredly rubbed his eyes with a groan. “Anyway….now that you’re your own person and all, what’s your plan?”

“I don’t know.” Connor looked away from Hank, focusing on the sleeping dog at the other end of the room. “Although androids are free, we still do not have the right to property, work, or many rights that humans have. I understand that these things take time and am grateful that it has managed to go this far. I’m unable to return to Cyberlife as it is shut-down until further notice and I cannot return to detective work as I am not able to obtain employment, though I would very much like to return there once I am able.”

“You want to keep doing detective work?” Hank asked incredulously.

“Yes. I know it is what I was designed to do, but I believe that I genuinely enjoy the work I completed there, and I enjoyed working as your partner as well.”

“Well, we could definitely use the help down at the station, especially when the evacuation is lifted.” Hank moved to place a hand on Connor’s shoulder but stops himself short, hand hovering awkwardly in the air.

“I appreciate the sentiment Lieut- Hank, however I believe that androids will not be legally allowed to acquire jobs for some time, and for me in particular even longer due to the nature of the career I wish to pursue and my current track record.”

Hank stared at him with a puzzled expression. “What do you mean  _ current track record _ ?”

Connor turned to face him, equally puzzled although for the opposite reason. “Well, since my activation a little over 3 months ago, I have been assigned one case that was not only incomplete and failed, required multiple repairs during this time due to my “reckless behaviour” and ultimately resulted in my deviance. I can’t say that this would be an impressive resume for any job application, especially one in law enforcement where civilian and other officers’ lives are at risk. I would be too much of a liability and would -”

“Oh for FUCK’S sake, Connor! You’re actually joking right? Please tell me this is some weird form of humor you’re trying out. You freed your people, became “alive” and saved countless lives including my own?!” Hank’s temper began to rise causing an alert to flicker in Connor’s peripheral vision. 

_ Guilt and panic _ . He caused the Lieutenant stress once more.  _ Perhaps he is angry because my implying the mission was a failure also indicates his performance as well? But it was my decisions that caused us to fail.  _ His software told him that his next approach should be to reassure the Lieutenant that Connor’s failures at what he was designed to do in no way reflects Hank himself or his performance during the mission, but Connor could still see the anger in Hank rising, and continuing discussion of the mission may only increase that.

Hank was still angrily mumbling, less to Connor and more at the world. He couldn’t believe that Connor,  _ perfect Connor _ of all people, could think that he was a failure. It was utterly ridiculous in Hank’s mind to even doubt for a second Connor’s capabilities. He was still standing, slightly pacing and not looking at Connor.

Connor, quickly becoming overwhelmed with the guilt of causing Hank distress, looked to the ground sheepishly before apologizing.

“I’m sorry, Hank.”

Hank stopped dead and thought his heart might as well. He slowly turned to face the android hunched over on his couch. He had never heard Connor sound so  _ broken _ , he could see the pain in Connor’s features that were no longer carefully hid behind a neutral expression. 

“Connor?” he asked delicately, afraid that Connor would shrivel away and disappear into the carpet. 

A thousand thoughts flickered through Connor’s mind as guilt and sadness crushed him from all sides. The concern in Hank’s voice was directed at him.  _ Guilt _ .  _ Don’t make more problems for the Lieutenant. _ Quickly, Connor hid the hurricane behind his eyes with a neutral mask once more before looking at Hank.

“I apologize, Hank. Emotions are still quite new to me and I am having to adjust quite quickly, though I still find them difficult to decipher.”

“Right, no, of course. I mean, makes sense ya know. I was just…”

Connor cocked his head to the side inquisitively, waiting for the rest of Hank’s thought.

“Nevermind.” Hank waved him off and an awkward silence descended on the pair.

Hank’s stress levels were decreasing.  _ Success. _ Though Connor felt he could not classify something a success if he prompted the need for it to be fixed in the first place.

Silence.

Connor always disliked the statement “the silence was deafening” as it presented something completely illogical. However, now he understood what the saying was conveying. Sometimes the silence, the things left unsaid, the thoughts left untethered in your mind is deafening in the quiet between words.

_ You’ve taken enough of the Lieutenant’s time already, you should leave. He wants you gone, you only increase his stress levels and cause him discomfort. _ He took an unneeded breath, readying to dismiss himself for Hank’s sake but was interrupted.

“So...how’s being alive and stuff by the way?”

Connor blinked.  _ Should he answer? The Lieutenant asked, it would be rude not to provide an answer.  _ “It is strange...things are much louder than they used to be.”

Hank chuckled. “I know what you mean. Well, do you at least have your own space at Jericho or new Jericho or whatever at least?”

“Ah, well with the suddenness of the recent events many living arrangements were made in a rush and everyone is quite occupied, however I have been able to find time for myself amongst the chaos.” Connor smiled.

Connor’s hesitation did not go unnoticed by Hank, afterall he was a detective. “Mhmm.” He hummed in acknowledgment. “Well, it must be nice to be with your people and be free now, even if things are a little crazy at the moment.”   
  
“Yes...I suppose it is.” 

Hank was not amused. The vagueness of Connor’s answers concerned him. There was obviously something he was trying to hide, and Hank had a hunch that it wasn’t something good.

“So where have you been staying anyways? I mean, i bet Markus probably wants to keep new Jericho pretty lowkey but I’m curious.”

Connor remained silent. He didn’t like lying.


End file.
